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THE CROW By RICHARD OSLEY & CATHERINE ETOE
 
Bumbling, bums and right stinkers

WHEN I was a kid Chelsea were a joke. They had players with silly names like John Bumstead and a lame stand called The Shed. Fuzzy-faced Ken Bates, their chairman, suggested ideas like electrifying stadium fences to control fans.
But for all their bumbling ways, Chelsea knew how to lose. When relegated in 1988 there weren’t many tantrums. The players kept cool, beat the likes of Grimsby and were soon promoted.
These days Chelsea have enough money to buy everyone (bar Theo Walcott) and Jose Mourinho splashes cash as if he is Richard Pryor in Brewster’s Millions – if he can shed £30 million, he quickly gets another £300 million. Magic. Yet, for all that money, Chelsea have lost the ability to lose graciously.
Outsmarted by Fulham on Sunday, their players acted like spoilt brats, screwing up their faces like five-year-olds do when they lose a tough round of Buckaroo or a close game of Guess Who. Is he wearing a coat from Matalan? Yes. Is it Jose? Yes.
Across town, Arsenal have reacted in the right way to defeat this season. No tears, not even any pizza flinging, just a commitment to good, passing football. Maybe that’s why they are England’s only team in the Champions League.



SQUEAKY bums took on Ronaldo-sized proportions this week. Gormless Gooners were squirming in their seats for two hours on Saturday – until Spurs flushed their team back down the table.
It brought few of us pleasure, but Chelski’s winning run went down the pan after a stinker of a match. And Liverpool were down in the dumps after it emerged some “fans” chucked human doo-doo at Man Utd supporters t’other week.
As pre-match entertainment goes, ramming your poo into a jiffy bag before a game sounds about as pleasant as wandering around Newcastle in a Boumsong shirt. Getting it out again sounds about as enjoyable as watching Boumsong in a Newcastle shirt.
After Tuesday, Liverpool fans should shower us Spurs supporters in sugary treats the next time we visit Anfield. Yep, our boys softened the bungling Brummies up for Arsenal’s 12th man Stevie Gerrard and Co as they hone in on another competition they’ve no business winning.
Talking of which, the pundits reckon Prof Wenger and Co might do a Liverpool in Europe this year. Because Arsenal beat Charlton. At Highbury.
Now that’s one claim I’ll happily give the bum’s rush to.

• Are they talking rubbish? Let us know at Your Shout, 40 Camden Road, NW1 9DR or by email: sport@camdennewjournal.co.uk
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