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Red-faced
Rudy needs a Real Cup
 RUDDY-faced
rudster Sir Alex Ferguson – the elected MP for Ruddy Town
South, a lecturer in quantum Rud-physics at Ruddysville University
– was jumping up and down on Sunday as if his team had
gone a whole season unbeaten.
But his excited face was because Moan United had won the Carling
Cup. Whoopee-doo.
 I’m
sure it will more than make up for the early exit from the Champions
League, the FA Cup defeat to rivals Liverpool and another season
without coming close to winning the league.
As if conga dances could convince us that they were happy. Pathetic.
Rud Off! With a medal haul of one Premiership title (Arsenal
gave it to them) and one FA Cup (they played Millwall in the
final), no wonder unused sub Ruud Van Nistelrooy had such a
long face. He might as well have signed for Grimsby. Even Pascal
Cygan has more medals to show off.
At Arsenal, they are worrying about more important things –
like Real Madrid. One Sunday newspaper suggested Arsenal might
swap Thierry Henry for Ronaldo. For the readers of Zoo and Nuts,
that would be like marrying Natalie Imbruglia and wife-swapping
her for the not-so-good-looking one from the Sugababes. Must
not happen.
 I
GAVE my husband Samuel Eto’o a big kiss on Wednesday after
he left Chelski glory hunters teary eyed.
Oh alright, I planted one on the telly screen as my (almost)
namesake helped defeat the Not-So-Special Ones in the Champions
League.
It almost made up for seeing Arsenal scrape that lucky 1-0 victory
in Spain.
 Thankfully,
Arsene Wenger left his well-oiled machine of a team on the plane
that night and returned with a rusty old heap with a dodgy exhaust.
At least that’s how it looked as the Might-Never-Win-Again-In-The-North-ibles
huffed and puffed against Craig No Neck Bellamy and Robbie Nice
Hair Savage on Saturday.
That said, I can’t help but pity the deluded fans who reckoned
the Real result would kick-start their season (for the ninth
time of asking).
At this rate Arsenal may rue their decision not to throw their
berets into the Inter Toto ring.
Still, look on the bright side Gooners – at least Sol Luvvie
Campbell looks on the mend.
He certainly looked a million dollars on the red carpet at the
Baftas. Which is fitting really, seeing as he’s probably
earned almost half that since his last performance in that horror
show at West Ham.
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