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We'll always have the Bernabeu
 ‘TOTTENHAM,
watching Eastenders’, Arsenal fans sang from the top tiers
of the Bernabeu. It made me smile. ‘Have you ever seen
Tottenham in Madrid?’ had been the chants from the English
pubs off the cobbled plazas in the city centre.
But who could really be bothered with what Martin Jol, Paul
Stalteri and Co were up to back home when Arsenal were beating
Real Madrid.
 There
were times when Arsenal outplayed Real Madrid. Everybody reading
this knows they will never see Spurs do that. No need for gags
about Grimsby. Drink it up: Real Madrid 0 Arsenal 1.
Even if Arsenal get hammered in the second leg, we will always
have the Bernabeu. We will always have the night Arsenal socked
it to Zinedine Zidane, Beckham, Ronaldo and Roberto Carlos.
The night it was left to Arsenal to fly the flag for the Premiership
with Moan United also at home in front of the telly.
The Bernabeu regulars didn’t like it. They tried to drown
out the Arsenal fans with drums, horns and whistles and huge
banners that must have blocked the view of people at the back.
But even in a stadium nearly three times the size of Highbury,
it was futile. You will never shut up a Gooner who has just
seen his team win in Madrid.
SO if Arsenal couldn’t beat Tottenham but saw off Real
Madrid, does that mean Spurs are better than the Spanish never-has-beens?
After Sunderland and Wigan, probably not. Still, we might be
rubbish at football but at least our galacticos are easier on
the eye than theirs.
 Andy
Reid may have eaten most of the pies, but it looks as though
Ronaldo has double chips and a pork sausage with his. Danny
‘At least it wasn’t Mills’ Murphy may have a
scowl that could curdle milk but Thomas Graveson could make
double cream with his.
And Mido might have the scraggiest barnet in north London, but
long haired David Beckham and his mini-me team-mate Ramos Sergio
look like those two birds from Bucks Fizz.
I hear it was their smash hit ‘Land of Make Believe’
that Jose ‘Village Idiot’ Reyes was humming when he
did his ‘back on the pitch bum shuffle’ at the Bernabeu.
(Ooh, I bet he’s a right one for hogging the bed. Probably
steals the covers too.)
But I digress. Nope, I’m delighted Richard ‘Smug’
Osley could prance around Madrid in his Arsenal Ladies shirt
and signed Freddie Ljungberg underpants on Tuesday night. After
the pitiful season he’s had, he deserves his moment.
I only hope it doesn’t last.
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