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Published: 3 January 2008
The stutter that robbed Top four Tots of their 15 year old dream

HAPPY New Year readers, welcome to 2008 and all that...

But don’t think for a minute that I’ve forgotten the north London derby just before Christmas.
A few mince pies have been eaten since, but let’s remind ourselves of the glorious moment when Robbie Keane had the chance to give all Top Four Tottenham fans what they have been dreaming of for 15 years: a win at Arsenal.
There he was with it all in his hands. The teams tied at 1-1 and Keane with a penalty to win it.
He stared at Almunia, did his trademark stutter – just take it properly, you chump – and then there it was: a moment of simple but priceless magic.
Almunia dived to his right and pushed it away, and with it palmed off Spurs for another season. Six more points from Spurs in the bag.
Top Four Tots may well beat the Arsenal reserves in the whatsitcalled Cup in the next few weeks. It would be embarrassing for them if they didn’t and such a trivial victory would hardly make up for what has been the most embarrassing of seasons.
New manager Juande Ramos’s major success in the past has been to win the Wafer Cup a couple of times. Well done.
But I’m banking on Everton winning that trophy this year, which is why I won’t be rising to any of the nonsense you are likely to find in the column to the right.

WE were rolling back the years up in the European Capital of Culture on Saturday night. We hadn’t seen a visiting team play football like this for some time. Yes, Arsenal are the new Crazy Gang!
Cesc “Dennis Wise” Fabregas looking on as another “pass” from the back sails over his head up to Eduardo “Big Fash” da Silva, and Nicklas “Vinnie Jones” Bendtner shattering the shins of the cultured opposition superstars – it really is the new Wimbledon!
In fact, I’ve seen the future: “the” Arsenal’s Russian/American (who are they owned by this week?) bosses decide that the London market is a little crowded and form a breakaway franchise, moving the club out to the more lucrative, footie-deprived Channel Islands to form the Guernsey Gunners!
The disillusioned fans, troubled by the ferry journey, create a new side that plays homes games on Highbury Fields – AFC Arsenal. Course, you’ll have to start off down the divisions so it’ll be a while till you get to take on the Kirkby Blues (don’t do it, Bill!).
Meanwhile, an aging Fabregas leaves football behind to pursue a Vinnie-esque career in Hollywood – he showed his acting credentials at Goodison. Could happen.
Anyway, see you at the Ryanjet Soccerdome in May – we’ll put our tallest team out this time.

* Allan Ledward is an Everton fan who works in Camden Town

• The New Journal is inviting readers to tackle Osley in The People’s Perch. Send your column and a photo to The Crow, 40 Camden Road, NW1 9DR or by email

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