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Published: 4 January 2007
No honours for lazy switcheroo gags

TOOTHLESS Tottenham have been dreaming of a big day out in Cardiff for so long, it would take a grinch not to let them have their fun.
Singing on the train down, beers in front of the castle, leeks and daffodils – all in anticipation of a crunch FA Cup match.
So, enjoy your day out at Ninian Park, kids, just leave the big stadium to the Arsenal fans.
Woah! That’s a semi-kinda-almost switcheroo!
Cath Etoe predicted more lazy switcheroo jokes in this column just before Christmas.
She also magnificently predicted, maybe high on mulled wine at the time, that Tottenham would be hot on Arsenal’s heels this yule.
Shame for her then that Arsenal managed to lose to Sheffield United and yet still be FURTHER ahead of Spurs this side of the mince pies.
None of this, of course, is an excuse for Sheffield United. Nothing is an excuse for Sheffield United, apart from the bully-boy tactics, the sticky pitch and Neil Warnock’s off-putting nose.
But the statistic remains, Arsene Wenger has never been beaten by a lower league team.
Martin Jol has only been in charge of the Spuds for a year and a bit and he’s already lost to two. Grimsby. And Leicester. Could Cardiff be the third?

I WAS delighted to see Steven Gerrard receive an MBE.
Tony should have gone the whole hog though. Surely a player with a Wag as pretty as Stevie’s deserves a Knighthood. That is why we’re honouring a man who played through the World Cup like he was wearing his wife’s G-string and high heels isn’t it?
Let me know if you think of another reason.
Bet the news has given the rest of football’s nearly-rans a boost. Ooh, maybe next year TB, or Kevin Keegan as he likes Cherie to call him, will slip one to Faria Alam for services to England or boot one in the direction of Noe Pamarot for services to dentistry. Makes sense to me.
Personally, I’d like to give one to Spurs for letting England have so many of their players last summer. Shame Sven was too dim to play ’em.
But the biggest gong of all should go to Arsenal – for services to sulking.
No team avoids shaking hands while slinking off after a defeat quite like north London’s worst.
With all their boring, boring draws, has-beens Chelski look set to give Arsenal a run for their money. I wouldn’t worry though Gooners because when it comes to the bottom lip wobbles your lot always take the honours.

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